Sunday 2 March 2008

Thoughts from my Spiritual Diary -10

Spirituality has its own intriguing way of imparting life’s lessons. Twenty seven years and I feel Life has endowed me with so many experiences, visions, feelings, events and the agonies and ecstasies which have accompanied with all of them. The Eternal Canvas of the Master Painter which I call life has been so colourful : ) I did share a love- hate relationship with Him during my earlier years. Every single blow or an unfortunate happening came with some bitter feelings for Him : doubting His intentions and Hisjustice and questionng the perfect order of His Kingdom. But an ignorant and immature me, I didn’t realize those hidden agendas and meanings..also the mysterious ways in which He works.

And I have always believed that its all written, "Maktoub” as its called in Arabic, predestined. Unless and until your Bad Karmas haven’t been washed out, you don’t have any right to cuddle up to your Beloved Father . He makes sure you clean up your act and learn all your lessons thoroughly :)

The death of my dearest father, acute loneliness, unexpected failures, business upheavals, discord in relationships, family betrayal, changing colours of the human soul, seeing my hand which no one held after daddy......all brought about major personality alterations and my soul didn’t help but evolve day after day and absorb everything in totality.
All these happenings moulded me into the person I am today and how ungrateful I am to all these teachers! I avoid greeting them with deep gratitude and often shut these chapters of my life with a numb face even today. Not that I am bitter about them but maybe that somewhere I have buried all these pains for a permanent closure.
They do come up uninvited at times and I am still left emotional trying to hear unspoken words from Him: )

Growing up came blessed with lots of sensitivity to understand the pain..not only mine but everyone else’s. This understanding broadened and deepened my relationship with God : I too started understanding Him a lot more better.. I guess I started falling in Absolute Love with Him. It started becoming a little unconditional as time passed by and I realized that I am so blessed in comparison to others. It dawned upon me that He is always there with us in our joys as well as sorrows as our sole protector.

I tried to see His small mercies and blessings in disguise which we so often take for granted and ungrateful that we souls become at times…forget to hug Him and say our sweetest Thank-you’s for providing an umbrella when we are stuck in stormy rains : )

I do have to pay up for all my Karmas –good and bad and as time flies like a butterfly out of my hands, I have the biggest satisfaction that I am not alone, He is always there besides me witnessing my trials and tribulations.
Now, its me with my dear father’s blessing that I tread along this Path to Him…" The woods are dark and deep, and I have promises to keep...... and miles to go before I sleep…” these famous words always keep ringing in my ears.

I am still a tiny learner, taking baby steps, yearning to be a better human being ..thats my only desire and ambition, to make good use of Life- His best Gift to me…to one day meet my beloved papa in heaven with all my work completed and with my head held high..to hug him tight and hear these only words from him… that I have been a good daughter…:)

I don’t know what Life has in store for me but I have my eternal Soul Mate to celebrate this journey :)
And spirituality is all about LOVING HIM, unconditionally…isn’t it !! That’s my biggest lesson!

9 comments:

darvish said...

Alhamdulillah! My dearest and beloved Sister Krishna. You are jewel of rare beauty and I value your friendship above rubies and gold. May Allah, your Eternal Soul Mate, bless you and love and comfort you and hold your hand alway, in this life and the next. Ameen.

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sounds the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.

Ya Haqq!

solitaire said...

Dearest one, your eternal soul-mate is within you and always with you, carrying you in the palm of His hand with much tenderness and love especially in those times when you feel most alone :-)

I'm deeply moved by your personal sharing. Thank you for sharing this with us, my dearest friend.

Maithri said...

Dear Sister Krishna,

Your words move me to tears.

God bless your tender heart with love and softness and the power of light.

May you walk with the wind at your back and the sun on your face... knowing that life is out there waiting for you... waiting to bless you and give you all the love that you so richly deserve.

Sending you my love and the warmest blessings of peace my sister,

Maithri

Krishna. N. C. said...

My Beloved Brother Irving,
I am so deeply touched and humbled by your words:))
I couldnt have been more blessed to have you as my Big Brother who is so precious and close to my heart as well :)
You make this journey so blissful brother and i truly and deeply Love you...!!
Your blessings mean so much to me..
Thank you so much for this beautiful poem by Robert Frost :))
I am elated today ;)


My Dear Solitaire,
I so truly agree with you :)
He is my Heartbeat within and my Guide of the outer world who has shown me myriad colours of His beautiful World:)
Thank you so much for your kind words, i dearly adore you :)
My sincere Love and Prayers for you my Shining Star!!


My Dear Brother Maithri,
I am so thrilled to have you visit my blog!!
I welcome you with open arms and my deepest Thank you for your beautiful words :))
I am so touched by your blessings and goodwishes Brother:)
May you continue to spread His Love and Light :))
My Hugs and prayers for a true Angel!

Dipti said...

My sweet little sister Krishna ... i could not stop my tears reading your words...
such soft deep emotions and thoughts at such tender age ...
may God bless you and keep you in his proteaction and warmth today and always .. much love to u sweet sister...

ned said...

Dear Krishna,

I was deeply moved by this post. It sounds like you've been through a lot. (It also sounds like we're about the same age btw -- I'm 25.)

This is the secret of it all, the seeking for the Divine behind all the dualistic appearances of pain and pleasure, accepting that pain and sorrow are equally from God just as joy and pleasure are. And pain and sorrow can be used alchemically to experience the bliss of the Divine, so when I'm in pain I try to tell myself: "Here comes the Grace, to annul a little more of my ego."

As for karma, contact with the Divine Grace annuls it within seconds. So let us trust in the Grace and let it manifest through us, and all that needs to be done will be done.

My prayers are with you.

Krishna. N. C. said...

My Dearest Dipti,
Thank you so much for those humble words and your precious blessings:)
I adore you from the core of my heart dipti, and you shine up my life with your pure spirit and innocence:))
I humbly acccept all your prayers and goodwishes and i cant be lucky enough to have a Beloved like you!!
God bless you too with all the happiness you truly deserve:)
A tight hug for you my sister!

Krishna. N. C. said...

My Dear Ned,
Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers :)
As regards me going through a lot in life, its my specially chalked Life plan by the Master Creator ;) and i am His Favourite Child!
I guess we all have heroic stories, tragedies,setbacks in our lives which have shaped us to what we are today!
I am so happy to know that we are of the same age ;)
It will be so much fun sharing this beautiful journey together ned!!
I applaud your thought when you seek Divine Grace to annul the Ego! Surely,He is the perfect Alchemist giving us a blend of Pain and pleasure to finally make Shining stars of His children :)
You are right, lets all seek Him and let Him manifest through us with His will...
My heartfelt Love for you ned :)
May His Grace forever be showered on you!

Sadiq Alam said...

yes unconditionally.

so much baggage of condition we carry and buildup with ourselves ever moment, the very idea unconditional thus seems so difficult. but no doubt thats the attitude of access to the kingdom of bliss within.

nobody enters there with conditions, but only when completely naked, completely surrendered with unconditional love.