Thoughts from my Spiritual Diary -10

Spirituality has its own intriguing way of imparting life’s lessons. Twenty seven years and I feel Life has endowed me with so many experiences, visions, feelings, events and the agonies and ecstasies which have accompanied with all of them. The Eternal Canvas of the Master Painter which I call life has been so colourful : ) I did share a love- hate relationship with Him during my earlier years. Every single blow or an unfortunate happening came with some bitter feelings for Him : doubting His intentions and Hisjustice and questionng the perfect order of His Kingdom. But an ignorant and immature me, I didn’t realize those hidden agendas and meanings..also the mysterious ways in which He works.

And I have always believed that its all written, "Maktoub” as its called in Arabic, predestined. Unless and until your Bad Karmas haven’t been washed out, you don’t have any right to cuddle up to your Beloved Father . He makes sure you clean up your act and learn all your lessons thoroughly :)

The death of my dearest father, acute loneliness, unexpected failures, business upheavals, discord in relationships, family betrayal, changing colours of the human soul, seeing my hand which no one held after daddy......all brought about major personality alterations and my soul didn’t help but evolve day after day and absorb everything in totality.
All these happenings moulded me into the person I am today and how ungrateful I am to all these teachers! I avoid greeting them with deep gratitude and often shut these chapters of my life with a numb face even today. Not that I am bitter about them but maybe that somewhere I have buried all these pains for a permanent closure.
They do come up uninvited at times and I am still left emotional trying to hear unspoken words from Him: )

Growing up came blessed with lots of sensitivity to understand the pain..not only mine but everyone else’s. This understanding broadened and deepened my relationship with God : I too started understanding Him a lot more better.. I guess I started falling in Absolute Love with Him. It started becoming a little unconditional as time passed by and I realized that I am so blessed in comparison to others. It dawned upon me that He is always there with us in our joys as well as sorrows as our sole protector.

I tried to see His small mercies and blessings in disguise which we so often take for granted and ungrateful that we souls become at times…forget to hug Him and say our sweetest Thank-you’s for providing an umbrella when we are stuck in stormy rains : )

I do have to pay up for all my Karmas –good and bad and as time flies like a butterfly out of my hands, I have the biggest satisfaction that I am not alone, He is always there besides me witnessing my trials and tribulations.
Now, its me with my dear father’s blessing that I tread along this Path to Him…" The woods are dark and deep, and I have promises to keep...... and miles to go before I sleep…” these famous words always keep ringing in my ears.

I am still a tiny learner, taking baby steps, yearning to be a better human being ..thats my only desire and ambition, to make good use of Life- His best Gift to me…to one day meet my beloved papa in heaven with all my work completed and with my head held high..to hug him tight and hear these only words from him… that I have been a good daughter…:)

I don’t know what Life has in store for me but I have my eternal Soul Mate to celebrate this journey :)
And spirituality is all about LOVING HIM, unconditionally…isn’t it !! That’s my biggest lesson!